Strategies to Make Tough Conversations More Effective

Whether you’re concerned about your daughter's decision not tovaccinate她的孩子或者你认为它的时间跟你的父母搬到一个辅助生活设施, bringing up sensitive subjects with loved ones is never easy. And if you’re not careful, your well-intended words could offend—or even alienate—your loved one.

Before you jump into a difficult conversation, invest some time into thinking about how you’re going to craft your message. A well-planned discussion is much more likely to be well-received.

健康提示对话
Illustration by Rob Hadley, Verywell

Wait Until You Feel Calm

The matter you want to discuss is probably urgent—but that doesn’t mean it’s an emergency. Wait to hold the discussion until you’re calm enough to do so in a meaningful way.

Otherwise, your passion for the subject may cause you to say things that aren’t helpful and you may harm your relationship. Wait until you’re calm enough to bring up the subject without yelling, making accusations, or saying things that are better left unsaid.

Consider the Goal of the Conversation

花费约你为什么要举行对话中的一些时间去思考。获得你的情绪更好的了解将帮助你在最好的方式向前发展。对自己诚实约你的恐惧。

例如,你害怕别人might think if you continue to allow yourelderly parents独自生活?或者,你会害怕,你不能给他们足够的helpif they stay alone?

请确保你对自己诚实,对你的意图,需求,并为对话的目标。考虑一个理想的结果将是什么样子,但认识到,你不能强迫任何人采纳你的观点,或让你建议改变。

Educate Yourself

花一些时间来教育自己关于这个问题为好。如果它是一个有争议的问题,是愿意看证据,从另一个侧面,这是不是来武装自己,以便您可以更好的争论,而是要真正理解对方的观点。

无论你决定进行一些在线研究或接触到其他人谁可以涉及到的主题,采取措施学到更多

You might also seek out people who have been through similar circumstances. For example, you might find it helpful to speak with other people who have held similar conversations with their loved ones. Ask them what parts of the conversation went well, what parts didn’t go well, and whether they have any suggestions for you.

Pick a Good Time to Talk

如果你能保持谈话面对面。一个方e call, email, or text message won’t allow you to read the other person’s身体语言而且他们不会能读你的。

这是至关重要的其他人知道你从一个地方的关注,而不是愤怒或厌恶的到来。坐下脸对脸可以帮你传达信息。

Hold the conversation in a comfortable place when both you and the other person have plenty of time to talk. For some discussions, a restaurant or public venue might be appropriate. For other conversations, more privacy may be necessary. You may want to hold the conversation in your home or the other person’s home.

Don’t start the conversation unless you’ll have plenty of time to talk. The last thing you want to do is air your concerns and then run out the door. You also don't want to get halfway through a discussion only to find the other person has to leave.

If you do have to end the discussion early for any reason, make it clear that you want to revisit the conversation again.

Get the Conversation Started

无论你感到尴尬有关使这个话题,或者你知道你的想法是不太可能是广受欢迎,这是很难知道如何开始对话。

Sometimes, the best way to start a delicate conversation is by relating the issue back to you. Start by saying something like, “I’ve been thinking about getting长期护理保险。Do you have long-term care insurance?” Then, you might break into a discussion abouthome care与辅助生活。

This can be a good tactic if the problem isn’t particularly urgent. It brings the subject up but isn’t confrontational.

For other subjects, you might simply acknowledge how tough it is to talk about. Say something like, “This is really hard for me to bring up. But, there’s been something weighing on my mind lately and I don’t think I’d be a good friend if I didn’t let you know.”

你可能还会发现你的最佳选择是邀请其他人首先共享他们的意见。你可能会说,“我真的很想和你谈谈你的决定。但首先,我想多了解一下进入你的决定。”

用“我”而不是“你”

Make the conversation a discussion, not a debate. Arguing about medical advice or political issues won’t get you anywhere. The best way to make it a discussion is to use “I” statements. Starting sentences with phrases like, “I think…,” and “I am concerned about...” opens up a conversation.

与其这样说,“你不能照顾爸爸了。他需要去一家养老院,”说,‘我很担心,爸爸需要更多的帮助。’

Saying, “you” sounds accusatory and it will likely put the other person on the defensive. With the "I" or "we" approach, it’s hard for the other person to argue with how you feel or what you think.

Consider your tone of voice. Make sure you don’t come across as condescending or arrogant. Make a special effort to show that you care.

分享你的恐惧

Avoid vague, general statements like, “Studies show the older you are the more likely you are to get into a car accident, so you should stop driving.”

相反,获得具体谈谈你的担心。这样说,“我怕,如果你继续开车,你可能会进入事故和杀死自己或别人。我很担心,你有过的方向盘后面最近的问题数量“。

While you shouldn’t exaggerate the risks the other person faces, be real about the possibilities the other person might face. Whether you’re fearful of legal, social, financial, psychological, or physical health consequences, share your fears.

问一些开放式的问题

If you do all the talking, your conversation will turn into a lecture. And no one wants to hear a lecture from their loved one.

Invite the other person to share their thoughts by asking open-ended questions. You might simply ask, “What do you think of all this?” If the person seems like they aren’t ready to change yet, ask questions about how they would know when they were ready to change.

这里是要问,以评估某人的准备情况变化问题的一些例子:

  • “你怎么会知道什么时候是时候quit smoking?”
  • “How would you recognize when it is time to move to an assisted living facility?”
  • “Are there any circumstances that would make you consider getting that medical test?”
  • “在什么时候,你会关心你high blood pressure?”
  • “When would you know that you是不是安全开车了?”

问这些类型的问题可以帮助你更好地了解其他人的想法。它也可以帮助他们澄清,他们可能会重新考虑的情况。

You might also help the other person assess any potentially negative consequences they might face if they don’t take action. Here are some sample questions:

  • “What do you think might happen if you keep smoking?”
  • “如果你和爸爸住住在家里,你觉得会发生什么?”
  • “Do you worry that there may be any consequences for not getting接种疫苗?”

Sometimes, it’s best for the other person to identify the negative consequences they might face. So rather than list all the risks they face, ask them to identify their concerns.

要主动监听器

Be willing to listen to the other person’s concerns, fears, and frustrations. Don’t interrupt and don’t jump in to disagree.

请确保你真的听到什么,对方在说什么。而不是调出你的爱的人这么说的话,你可以制作这份反驳,专注于真正想要听。

Be careful to avoid body language that shows you’re disinterested or annoyed (like rolling your eyes).

使与人目光接触。有时点头你的头也可以显示你正在听。

Most importantly, reflect back what you hear. Say things like, “So what I hear you telling me is that right now you’re happy with the way things are. You feel like you’re safe. But here’s how you’d know when things would need to change…”

Then, allow the other individual to clarify or offer more information.

Be Empathetic

说明其他个人同情。承认它必须是多么难以做出一个艰难的选择或处理的情况。

Validate the other person’s feelings by saying things like, “I’m sure it is frustrating to hear things like this,” or “I know how important this is to you.”

同意共同的目标

不管你有什么分歧,找到一些共同点。有一个很好的机会,你和其他人具有相同的最终目标,你就必须实现它的不同的手段。

你可能会说这样的话:

  • “We both really love Dad and want him to have the best quality of life possible.”
  • “我们都关心我们的女儿的幸福,我们俩都热衷于帮助她的是尽可能健康。”
  • “Both of us want you to be as independent as possible for as long as possible.”

Recapping the fact that both of you have a common goal can be a helpful reminder that you don’t need to fight against one another. Instead, you can work together to achieve your goals.

提供实际支持

无论你想你的兄弟姐妹接受医学测试或你希望你的父母停止驱动,提供实际的支持,如果其他人关注的东西具体。

问这样的,“会得到什么方式的问题把你按时服药?”或“什么是对没有汽车会是最难的部分?”然后,你可以主动帮助解决这些问题。

根据不同的情况,你可能会发现它有帮助,说的东西,如提供实际的支持:

  • “I’d be happy to schedule an appointment for you just so we could learn more information.”
  • “I can help you figure out the保险问题。Would you like us to make the call together to learn more?”
  • “We could talk to a lawyer together just to gather more information about what would happen to your house if you went into a nursing home.”
  • “I can help you set up services so you can get more help around the house.”
  • “Let’s go tour the facility together. We don’t have to make any decisions right now, but seeing an assisted living facility will give us a better idea about our options.”
  • “我可以安排开车送你到约会,我会教你如何使用一程,预约服务,可以帮助你跑腿。”

Offer to do something that may make the other person’s life a little less challenging. That may mean problem-solving, brainstorming, or offering up your services to assist. Your support may make a big difference in the other person’s willingness to take a step forward.

知道什么时候结束谈话

如果谈话变得过于加热,决定停止谈论它。如果你继续向前挤,否则可能会损坏的关系。

您可能需要明确指出,首先,你还是希望有一个关系,即使你不同意的一个重要问题。这样说,“我怕,如果我们继续谈论这个,现在,我们可以说事情会伤害对方。”

重温对话在其他时间

Don’t expect someone to change their behavior or agree to something different after just one conversation. It may take a series of conversations to help someone come to terms with a problem or better understand their choices.

Was this page helpful?
Article Sources
必威下载Verywell健康uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our编辑过程了解更多关于我们如何事实检查,并保持我们的内容准确,可靠,值得信赖。
  • Salvo MC, Cannon-Breland ML. Motivational interviewing for medication adherence.杂志美国药剂师协会。2015; 55(4):455-456。DOI:10.1016/s1544-3191(15)30093-5

  • 维拉罗萨-Hurlocker MC,Osickey AJ,霍克JM,莫耶斯TB。检查动机访谈的客户端改变谈话的活性成分的影响。杂志药物滥用治疗的。2019; 96:39-45。DOI:10.1016 / j.jsat.2018.10.001